Irish GAA Joker Guy

Killinaskuly and Bally

2008-02-17T06:27:00.000-08:00

... the 1966 Under 12 Final between Killinaskuly and Bally. A few overage players swayed the day! From Episode 2 of Season 2...

General Sports Quotes

2008-02-16T04:40:00.000-08:00

'There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class' (David Coleman - commenting on the pedigree of the athlete during the Montreal Olympics)

'Strangley, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air even longer' (David Acefield - a footballer with brains to burn!!!)

'Well you gave the horse a wonderful ride, everybody saw that' (Desmond Lynam - ex BBC presenter)

'Hodge scored for Forest after 22 seconds - totally against the run of play.'
(Peter Lorenzo - football 'pundit'.)

'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.'
(Winston Bennett.)

"Ardiles strokes the ball like it is part of his own anatomy."

Jimmy Magee, commentating on the biological understanding which Argentine legend Ozzie Ardiles has with his ball!!

"I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered."
George Best summarizing his investments throughout his footballing career.

"Zidane is not very happy, because he's suffering from the wind" Another priceless quote from the amin man Ron Atkinson

"The Croatians don't play well without the ball" - Insightful commentary by Barry Venison during Euro 2004

"Moreano thought that the full back was gonna come up behind and give him one really hard" - Big Ron

"I've seen George Foreman shadow boxing and the shadow won."
Muhammad Ali.

“And Hyypia rises like a giraffe to head the ball clear.”
(George Hamilton commenting on the Liverpool central defender known for his mighty leaps.)

"An inch or two either side of the post and that would have been a goal."
(Dave Bassett, speaking on Sky Sports)

"My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7." David Beckham

"That would have been a goal if the goalkeeper hadn't saved it." (Kevin Keegan, ex-England manager and player)

"We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite"
( Murray Walker - F1 Motor racing Commentator)

"Apart from their goals, Norway haven't scored" – (Terry Venables – commenting on Norway during a World Cup Qualifier.)

“Italy are preparing to make a substitution - and it is, the unmistakable figure............of Roberto Baggio” (George announces the arrival on the pitch of..... Gianluca Vialli. Unfortunately, the two subs had got their shirts mixed up).

“I'm not concerned if we are one of the three worst, I want us to be the fourth best down there." (Leaving Sunderland , Howard Wilkinson was rightly proud of easily achieving his goal.)

"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country." Ian Rush

"I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs..." Andy Gray, Sky Sports

Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece : "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."

Glorious FAI moments...

2008-02-15T04:44:00.000-08:00

The Football Association of Ireland make Bertie and
the boys look like the most professional organisation
on earth............
.
.
.
1965 - Ireland were in a play-off against Spain to
qualify for the 1966 World Cup. The FAI agreed to play
the game in Paris, where there would be far more
Spanish fans, if the FAI could have the Spanish share
of the gate money. The Spanish agreed, outnumbered the
Irish by about 45 to 1 and just about won the game
1-0.

1970s - The FAI regularly organised friendlies in
Poland, where officials enjoyed the 'night life' (yes,
that means pr**titutes), and once did not even stay in
the same city as the match. The players travelled to
one such game in the luggage carriage of a train,
while the officials relaxed on seats.

1980 - After Johnny Giles quit, Eoin Hand beat Paddy
Mulligan to the Ireland manager's job by one swing
vote. Afterwards, one FAI board member said that he
had voted for Hand because he thought Mulligan was the
person who had thrown a bun at him on an away trip....

1986 - Jack Charlton became Ireland manager by
accident, after the FAI messed up a vote intended to
give the job to Bob Paisley. At first Charlton got
only three votes out of eighteen, compared to nine for
Paisley. The FAI then couldn't contact Charlton to
tell him that he had got the job.

1986 - When a friend congratulated Charlton on his new
job, he replied 'What job?' On being told he was
Ireland manager, he replied 'Oh, I'd forgotten about
that.' When Charlton sent his first squad list to the
FAI, he found that an FAI official was adding players
that he liked onto the list.

1994 - The FAI bought £296,000 of World Cup tickets,
and gave most to a tout with the confidence-inspiring
nickname of 'George the Greek', who unsurprisingly did
a runner. The FAI ended up with a 'trading shortfall'
of over £200,000, for which they obtained just 314
extra tickets for one Ireland match.

1996 - Two referees won a court case against the FAI
after being downgraded for failing a new test. The
judge called the FAI 'an autocracy which was incapable
of abiding by its own rules'. The FAI quickly reacted
by writing to 142 other referees, banning them all
from refereeing for not taking the same test - the
exact opposite of the court judgment.

1999 - The FAI announced a plan to spend £65m on a new
stadium, but forgot to include the £16m cost of the
site, then spent years debating which of two
non-existent stadiums they would use. During the
optimistic FAI bid to host Euro 2008, the UEFA panel
was photographed examining an empty field.

2002 - The FAI prepared for the World Cup by
forgetting to bring proper footballs to an island that
had no proper football pitch, causing a minor civil
war back home. On returning, the FAI ordered an
independent investigation into itself, and pretty much
ignored the results.

2002 - The FAI tried to sell TV rights for Ireland
games to the subscription channel Sky. When the
Government told them that EU law protects important
cultural events for terrestrial TV viewers to watch
free, the FAI countered that Irish football is not
culturally important.

2005 - The FAI fired Brian Kerr, the only Irish
manager to have won European and World trophies, and
vowed to replace him with a World-class manager. This
turned out to be Stephen Staunton, the part-time
unofficial coach of the defenders at a poor English
third division team.

2007 - The FAI has just fined two League of Ireland
clubs EUR500 each because their fans were throwing
paper. This comes after they introduced a revised
promotion system for last season, which infuriated a
Dundalk fan so much that he occupied their offices and
doused himself with petrol.

GAA and Heaven

2008-02-12T08:07:00.000-08:00

Two 90 year old men, Pat and Tom, have been friends all of their
lives. When it`s clear that Pat is dying, Tom visits him every
day. One day Pat says, "Tom, we both loved Hurling all our
lives, and we played through all the ranks, right up from U-12
together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you
get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there`s Hurling
played up there." Pat looks up at Tom from his death bed, "Tom,
you`ve been my best friend for many years. If it`s at all
possible, I`ll do this favour for you."

Shortly after that, Pat passes on. At midnight a couple of
nights later, Tom is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding
flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Tom__Tom."
"Who is it?" asks Tom sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
"Tom__it`s me, Pat." "You`re not Pat. Pat just died." "I`m
telling you, it`s me, Pat," insists the voice. "Pat! Where are
you?" "In heaven", replies Pat. "I have some really good news
and a little bad news. "Tell me the good news first," says Tom.
"The good news," Pat says, "Is that there`s Hurling in heaven.
Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us are here,
too. Better than that, we`re all young again. Better still,
it`s always spring time and it never rains or snows, so there`s
no need for a defunct fixtures committee to mess things up. And
best of all, we can play Hurling all we want, and we never get
tired..." "That`s fantastic," says Tom. "It`s beyond my wildest
dreams! So what could possibly be the bad news?" "You`re
starting corner-forward on Tuesday evening."

The Croker Phrasebook

2007-08-28T05:18:00.000-07:00

The Croker Phrasebook

> The guide to help new visitors fit in at Croke Park
. Fair play to Marty Morrissey and the lads for throwing open the doors. Surely the least we can do in return is make some effort not to sully the sacred sod with our Ole Ole-ing, our Mexican waving, our booing and our sundry other Tan habits. This is an arena, we must remember, where the most complex spectator anthem thus far sung comprises the unforgettable lyrics, "Tipp! Tipp! Tipp! Tipp!"

And while there may be limited opportunities to roar "pull hard, he's no relation", we can make some effort to purge our matchday lingo of Anglo Saxon staples like "play the channels", "woahhh you're shitttttt ahhhhhh" and "who are ya, who are ya". Instead, in an attempt to extend a hand of friendship to our new hosts, let's do our best to speak their language while availing of their hospitality.

Here are some helpful hints to get you started:

Greeting an enterprising debut:"Jaysus, young McGeady is a good yoke. Is this his first year out of Minor?"

On learning bad news of domestic form: "I heard that useless hoor Carr was cleaned out last Sunday above in Cardiff. The lad of the van Nistelrooys took him for two goals from play."

Handling the suspense of simultaneous internationals: "Have you the wireless Mattie? I hear Switzerland were batin' Cyprus out the gate at half time."

What to do when a blow-in lines out: "I can't place him. Is he a nephew of TJ Morrison of Gort? He has the go of him alright. They say TJ was the first man up to the top of Keeper Hill eight years running."

Looking on the bright side: "The long fella of the Dohertys is a bit of a mullocker but sure he's a good man to put in to bust up the play."

Noting a lack of zest from a participant: "Mother of Holy Saint Patrick, don't be standing back from it Holland. You're at nottin' in there."

Dispensing advice during a goalmouth scramble: "Pull, pull agin! Pull agin! Pull agin!"

Greeting Keano's customary early reducer: "Stop the lights! That'll soften the bollox's cough for him."

The hurler on the ditch: "What in the name a jaysus is Kilbane at? He wouldn't kick spuds to chickens."

Talking tactics: "The thing is Mossy, and tis only my opingun, but if you put Duff out wing forward, you're still short of scoring forwards inside."

Reminiscing on fallen heroes: "The bollox was fond of bacon but at the same time Harte is a big loss from placed balls."

Revisiting dietary patterns: "A drop of Dutch Gold? No, you're grand Anto. Sure I have a bottle of tea for the sangwiches."

Players clubbing together to make up a team

2007-08-19T10:54:00.002-07:00

Players clubbing together to make up a team

AGAINST THE BREEZE By Paddy Heaney

Remember the cloth caps, crazy women and club mascots. These characters were presented in the results of a survey examining the personality of club supporters. A number of readers have since queried if similar research has been conducted with regard to club footballers. By a great coincidence, the findings of a detailed analysis of our club footballers has just been completed, and some of the results are published in this week's column.

- Physio's Friend: Four words can sum up the playing career of a typical physio's friend and they are: 'lame for every game'. Pulled hamstrings, severed ligaments, sore groins, you name it, and he has had it. - Physiotherapists dream about getting one of these players on their client list. He is the ideal customer. Once a physio's friend has signed up, all financial worries can be forgotten. With a guaranteed two trips a week, for injuries, either real or imagined, the sick one will pay bills, mortgages and put children through university.

- The Male Model: It's easy to spot the male model at training sessions. He's the player wearing the Cork jersey on Monday, Meath on Wednesday and Dublin on Friday. Not only will he have the jersey, he'll also have the accompanying shorts and socks. Male Models normally sport a healthy tan for about six months of the year. He is the one player in the changing room guaranteed to bring hair gel, shampoo and deodorant. After his liberal application of deodorant, he can be difficult to see as he will be enveloped in a cloud of sweet smelling mist. The Male Model despises the fact that he must share his toiletries every week with some spongers. However, he realises it is a necessary evil if he is to leave the changing room looking and smelling his very best. -

County Star (Club Hero): He is the heartbeat of the team. This man sends himself to sleep at night by counting O'Neill's footballs floating over a crossbar. Despite huge commitments to the county panel, he will be a regular attender at club training sessions. The Club Hero is highly valued, primarily for his talent, but also for the example he provides other players. Club heroes watch what they eat, go easy on the drink and refrain from cigarettes. If they have one weakness, it's women. For some misguided reason they are under the illusion that women are not detrimental to your health.

- County Star (The Invisible Man): This other type of county footballer enjoys a love/hate, though mostly hate, relationship with his club's supporters. They love him when he turns up for matches because he can be the difference between winning and losing a match. They hate him because they think he is a big headed poser, who seeks only personal glory through his county team, while abandoning the very club that taught him how to play the game.

- Hard Ground Specialist: Just as there are race horses that cannot cope with soft ground, so there are footballers who feel ill-suited toearlyseason training. Hard ground specialists consider the dedicated winter trainers to be mere point-to-pointers, whereas they are the genuine flat-race thoroughbred. With the recent good weather, they will havestarted to appear at training sessions throughout the country in their droves

- The Schoolboy: The schoolboy has only one thing in his head: football. Carrying absolutely no weight, the schoolboy runs just for the fun of it. Older players in the team are jealous of schoolboys as they represent their lost youth. Junior football is the traditional sacrificial ground where balding corner-backs regularly obliterate frisky teenagers for no apparent reason. Schoolboys are best advised to stay clear of these ageing veterans if they wish to stay clear of serious injury.

- The Student: The transformation from schoolboy to student is as pronounced as that of the caterpillar to butterfly. Where once he was a schoolboy whose only ambition was to get on the senior team; the student discovers the pleasures of wine, woman and song. Football is put way down the agenda. For the first six months of his fresher year the student will have a silly looking smile permanently attached to his face. A pot belly will start to develop in his midriff. He will give the excuse of either assignments or exams for his continued absence at training, yet there will be repeated sightings of him in Paykos, Club FX, The Western Star, The Wash, The Courthouse, Havana Browns, Mangans; you get the picture. The club hero will try to lecture the student about the error of his ways, but it is hopeless, he will be a lost soul for the next four years. Due to space constraints these are all the players that can be described today.

Other players which could not be included were: Team Talker, Psycho, Mr Excuses, and the Nearly Man. others would include the one more year man .... brought on with ten minutes to go to rapturous roars from the crowd., never won a medal, jersey clinging to the belly, socks up around the bandaged knee. Subject to rushes of blood to the head which guarantee a ball to be ballooned into the stands after a headless thirty yard run driven on by the crowd. the Horse ....... who has no football whatsoever, but is there on pure brute strength alone, and would spend a full training session lining up for a crack at either the Model, the Schoolboy, the Student or the County Star.

Limerick V Kilkenny

2007-08-15T11:33:00.000-07:00

All Ireland Hurling Final, Limerick V Kilkenny, Croke Park

Kill-Kenny (double click picture to increase size)

If anyone has any pictures or jokes, send them onto michael (at) gaa.irish-guy.com or leave a comment at the bottom of the page

Click on the picture to see it in its original size

GIFT GRUB...WATERFORD V CORK

2007-07-28T05:19:00.000-07:00

GIFT GRUB...WATERFORD V CORK
Press Play Below -
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=RUNJA6RD

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Limerick, your my Lady

2007-02-13T01:53:00.000-08:00

Taken from http://www.limerickblogger.org/blog/

The comedic trio that is The Shams! came to notoriety when they first aired their sketches on Radio Limerick One.

Now the station which made them famous is offering the sketches, which were gathered together for their most recent CD “The Attack of Helen Kennedy” on the RLO website.

You can “wrawk” the zip file containing the files which can be downloaded here.

Being sketches on Radio Limerick One, alot of them will have RLO themes to them, however, some are sketches on Limerick itself.

We have been authorised to give a few samplers of what is in store.

Frank Sinatra will be spinning in his grave when he hears this.

share your files at box.net

This one will probably get us into trouble, but f**k it

share your files at box.net

It’s funny because it’s (more-or-less) true

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Meath feckers ......

2006-06-01T08:41:00.000-07:00

Various Multimedia

2006-03-06T06:13:00.000-08:00

-------------------------

I upload a few bits and bobs. They are not exactly GAA related but are Irish through and through and are damn funny.

Just RIGHT CLICK and then "Save Link as ...... " Save them to your hard drive. All virus checked.

Limerick Bord Failte - Irish Tourist Board advertisement . Its all about the gangs, the Gardai etc in fair old Limerick.

GMC - Not tonight A real Cork Rap song.. Lyrics include "Gang of us got to the door last night and the bouncers saw RUNNERS and said 'NOT TONIGHT' so we waited outside for a while.... " Very funny.

Dutch Gold Kid by Dan Excellnt in the tune of Dido/Emimen

_____
Maastricht GAA Profile
Their website

----------

Decent Gaelic Football Comp

Whats New

2006-03-05T18:52:00.000-08:00

August 2006

Added two new videos to the funny Pics section and added a video to the Down Section

Video added to the Kerry , Laois and Dublin Sections.

June 2006

I added a youtube video of some some Meath fans wearing the jersey with pide.

I added a video of Maurice Fitz from Kerry in action.

I added an adverrt for the All-Stars in the multimedia section.

I added a video from a Armagh V Tyrone fight

April 2006

I added a Babs Keating Quote to the Tipp county Jokes section.

March 2006
On Monday, March 06, 2006 I added three sound files. A Limerick Bord failte Ad (fake, of course). Secondly, there is Dutch Gold Kid, an ode to Roy Keane (Dido/Emimen style) and thirdly a Rap song from GMC - a cork rap outfit about bouncers.

Trouble flares as Dubs beat Tyrone (5th Feb 2006)

2006-02-07T01:48:00.000-08:00

National League match between Tyrone and Dublin

5th of febraury 2006

Tempers flared at Healy Park in Omagh during the National League game between Tyrone and Dublin

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National League match between Tyrone and Dublin

GAA Emotion

Tempers flared at Healy Park and four players were sent-off

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National League match between Tyrone and Dublin

GAA Emotion

Referee Paddy Russell struggles to control the National League match between Tyrone and Dublin

Tyrone player Collie Holmes is sent-off

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National League match between Tyrone and Dublin

GAA Emotion

Referee Paddy Russell shows a red card to Tyrone player Collie Holmes during the National League clash with Dublin.

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National League match between Tyrone and Dublin

GAA Emotion

Dublin's Alan Brogan clashes with Michael McGee. Dublin's Alan Brogan clashes with Michael McGee of Tyrone (left) after being sent-off

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National League match between Tyrone and Dublin

GAA Emotion

Dublin's David Henry and Nial O Se go head-to-head with Tyrone's Kevin Hughes and Stephen O'Neill

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National League match between Tyrone and Dublin

GAA Emotion

2005 footballer of the year Tyrone's Stephen O'Neill receives his marching orders from referee Paddy Russell.

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National League match between Tyrone and Dublin

GAA Emotion

Tyrone goalkeeper Pascal McConnell gets to grips with Dublin player Derek Murray.

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National League match between Tyrone and Dublin

05/02/2006

Referee Paddy Russell is escorted from the Healy Park pitch after stormy league game between Tyrone and Dublin

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Sports Pictures of 2005

2006-01-10T09:23:00.000-08:00

All Ireland SFC final, Tyrone V Kerry, Croke park

GAA Emotion

Brendan Moran (sportsfile, Dublin) took this picture. He says "generally at the final whistle one picture you want is the manager celebrating or reacting. What happened this year, with the crowd running on, the gardai and stewards making a cordon, and that makes it quite physical around that area.

I came up the sideline - we're allowed up a certain distance along the line - and Mickey Harte was 20 feet away. I was quite near him but there were cameras and other photographers around - there ws jostling, but it was good natured.

Mickey did a TV interview, his daughter came over, but then Brian Dooher came out of nowhere. Hate put his head on Dooher's shoulder. In Doohers speech he mentioned Cormac McAnallen."

Click on the picture to see it in its original size

Cork's Gemma O'Connor celebrates with team mates

Winning the All-Ireland senior Camogie final at Croke park on September 18th, 2005.

Dan Linehan (Irish Examiner) says "I've covered camogie finals for the last nine or ten years and without fail, it presents some of the best picture opportunities. Camogie players ... are more expressive than their male counterparts. As a result you get incredible pictures, not just of joy and celebration, but of sorrow and dejection. This picture ws takena fter the final whistle - it was almost as if they presented themselves to the camera. I was just drawn to take the picture."

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Kilbrittan National School Team

With captain Pauric Deasy, celebrate their Sciath na Scoil final victory at Pairc Ui rinn, Cork, on May 31st, 2005

Des barry (Irish Examiner) says "It is my favourite sporting event of the year. i have been covering the Sciath na Scoil finals for over 10 years and it offers more picture opportunities than All-Ireland Finals. What makes it so specia? There are no inhibitions with the kids, there is a wonderful innoncence in everything they do, whether it is playing, celebrating or dealing with defeat. Regarding the action shots - theya re fantastic - they jump into the air or they jump right into the lens!."

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Limerick's Garryspillane's Donie Ryan celebrates victory

Garryspillane beat Kilmallock in the Limerick SHC Final at the Gaelic Grounds on October 16th 2005.

Dan Linehan (Irish Examiner) says "Final wins like this are always special. Garryspillane have never won the county senior title so this was a bit of history in the making. As I ran onto the field after the match, i noticed this guy falling o the grround. In all the mellee you are rtying to keep an eye on four or five possible shots at any time and I decidd to go after this guy. I took four or five shots and ten had to wait until he got off the ground before I could identity him by the number on his back."

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Cork's Corona Boots

All Ireland SHC quarter-final, Cork V Waterford, Ceoke Park

Brendan Moran (Sportsfile, Dublin) says "I got a tip-off. one of our lads noticed something yellow on the boos as the team parade was heading in my direction. He texted me so I used my longest lens to zoom in and I just started taking pictures. We do this pre-match stuff as a matter of course but never send it out.

The match started and I took this picture of Niall McCarthy and the logo on the boot came up in that as well. To be honest, I forgot about it until the next day. All the papers were doing their follow-ups on the Sunday matches and that usually focuses on a sending-off or a controversey. So we decided to send out the boot picture as something different.We could not have imagined the response. Within minutes the phones were hopping. Despite the publicity, we wee not in collusion the the PR company who arranged the deal with the Cork Players. We got negative publicity, so be it. We are always trying to pick up on something different, likie fellows wearing Lance Armstrong bands, or the Paddy Power logos on the hurleys two years ago. We are not out to get players into trouble. There was no conspiracy. "

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Hurling Championship launch

Giants Causeway, County Antrim

Ray McManus (Sportsfile, Dublin) says "Its a little different to covering a game, it's a planned, set up shot. Th order in which the players line up (Cork's Sean Og O hAilpin, Wexford's Michael Jacob, Kilkenny's James McGarry, Waterford's Eoin Kelly) is dicated by height, but even as I see the shot again I see I might have done it differently. "

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The real on the pitch

NHL, Galway v Tipperary, Pearse Stadium

Ray McManus (Sportsfile, Dublin) says "It was just an ordianry league game, Galway against Tipperary, and I'd asked for permission to go into the umpires dressing room before the game. I wanted a photograph of them putting on their white coats before the amtch started, but that wasn't working. Eventually they came out, and while they were waiting for the referee they just formed a line. i didnt set it up, i think most times you'd know thay's ben done. One of them was looking at me and I asked him to keep talking "

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Gaaa Match

Taken during 1976

Taken by Josef Koudelka in Ireland during 1976. You can see more of his Pictures here

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2005 Quotes

2006-01-05T21:57:00.000-08:00

2005 Quotes

"It was prehaps the most generous, the most liberal decision ever taken by any sporting or business body because we have out of the generosity of our harts put our finest asset at the disposal of our keenest rivals."
Sean Kelly - after Rule 42 was scrapped in march 2005

"We're one of the great sporting nations and we'd really only be opening it up for our own patrons. I remember American football being played in Croke Park and I can guarantee you it hasn't caught on in Wexford. If a neightbours' house wenton fire and you'd a spare room you wouldn't leave him out in the cold."
Wexford's Sean Quirke argues the case for the dropping of rule 42.

"Nicky Leeson, you banker, you banker."
The welcome given to Nick Leeson, of Barings bank fame, by the crowd at Terryland poark when he was introduced asGalway United's new commercial director.

"All Sports are been anlysed far too much by Bolloxes like us."
Ted Walsh, sitting around a table with George Hook, pat Spillane and Eamon Dunphy

"If you're down around the new Dundrum town centre right now you can pop out your breasts with pride because here is the champion of Europe, David Gillick, the local lad made good!."
RTE's George Hamilton gets a touch carried away after Gillick's gold at the European indoor Championships.

"I'd been ill and hadn't trained for a week and I'd been out of the team for three weeks before that, so i wasn't sharp. i got cramp before half-time as well. But i'm not one to make excuses."
Clinton Morrison. No excuses, then.

"Somebody should check his birth cert because Idon't think he was born, I think he's a creation of god."
Colm O' Rourke on the divinity that is Kerry's Colm "Gooch" Cooper.

"It used to be a good old Ulster fry before amtches, but we've changed that now to Muesili - which tastes a wee bit like what you'd find at the bottom of a budgie's cage."
Former armagh goalkeeper Benny tierney on the county's all-new pre-match breakfast menu.

"The defender was so laid back there he was almost vertical."
TV3 pundit Frank Stapleton.

"I just went up to him and said please Peter, please take it. I knew he was the only man for the job. I know he's already a legend in tyrone, but that's going to make hime something crazy alltogether."
Tyrone's Sean cavanagh after Peter Canavan's last minute free beat Armagh in the all-Ireland semi-final.

"waht a way to win an All-Ireland Final. Ten amtches, beating the Ulster champions, the Leinster champions, the Munster champions, and also the current All-Ireland winners. So maybe those people that critised our style of football will think otherwise now and give the county a bit of respect."
Peter Canavan after Tyrone's marathon championship ended with visctory over Kerry in the final.

"babs Keating said to me one night the difference between a pat on the back and a kick in the arse is a foot and a half."
Brian Kerr, under pressure.

"There might ahve been one or two Irishmen tap-dancing on some of my players' feet and that might have got them a bit angry."
Australian coach Kevin Sheedy tries to find a reason for some of his plaers losing the plot in the International Rules Series.

"i was sitting next to rog (Ronan O'Gara) after the game and just looked at him and suggested that someone dig a hole and put us in it."
Anthony horgan after Ireland lost 45-7 to new Zealand at Lansdowne Road.

"I was very, very hurt. i had worked for nine years in lots of roles for the association, for the one employer and as a full-time employee. So to be dispatched, cut off, more or less overnight was quite hurtful andd disappointing. but that was their entitlement and that was the decision of the wise men of the association."
Brian Kerr, reflecting on the decision of the FAI not to renew his contract as Republic of Ireland manager.

"next weekend is going to be a tough one, whatever happened against New zealand, Australia are a different bag of hammers."
Irish coach Eddie O'Sullivan looking forward to the game against Australia, In which Ireland also got hammered.

"Looking at our games near the end of the campaign ... against Cyprus away we were like a pub team. After that game people were having a pop at Brian (Kerr), but you can't blame hime for one been able to make a 10-yard pass. we supposed to be the cream of Irish footballers and we were just all over the shop."
Damien Duff's on the Irish team's World Cup qualifying campaign.

"Ever since I started off in Na Piarsaigh, and going to the North Monastery, i was told croke Park, the steps of the Hogan stand, that's what you inspire to. I bought into that growing up on the norh side of Cork, and I waned to live that dream. And today it came true."
- Sean Og O hAilpin after captaining Cork to the all-Ireland hurling title in September.

GAA - Ireland's own Column"

2006-01-02T17:24:00.000-08:00

Heart column of 'Ireland's Own', a monthly magazine which prides itself on being very quirky! Well its readers are certainly quirky and/or possessed of a good sense of humour!

a.. Grossly overweight Louth Senior County Full forward, 42 years old, Gemini, seeks nimble sex-pot, preferably South American, for tango sessions, candlelit dinners and
humid nights of screaming passion. Must have own car and be willing to travel.

a.. Following a sad recent loss, teetotal Tipperary man, 53, hurling fan, seeks replacement mammy. Must like finches orange, making sandwiches in tinfoil for the big matches and answer to the name Minnie. Thurles area.
a.. Galway man, 50, in desperate need of a ride.
Anything considered.

a.. Bitter, disillusioned Kerry man lately domianted and rejected by
longtime 6 county palying partner seeks decent, honest, beatable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced northern b****es.

a.. Ginger-haired Limerick senior hurler and troublemaker, gets
slit-eyed and shirty after a few scoops every night after training, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more.

a.. Artistic Clare man, 53, former Senior County Hurling Manager - petite, loves rainy walks on the beach, poetry, unusual sea-shells and interesting brown rice dishes, seeks mystic dreamer for companionship, back rubs and more as we bounce along
like little tumbling clouds on life's beautiful crazy journey. Strong stomach
essential.

a.. Dublin Chartered accountant, rugby man, 42, seeks female for
marriage. Duties will include cooking, light cleaning and accompanying me to office
social functions. References required. No timewasters.

a.. Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard living in a
damp cottage in the arse end of Roscommon seeks attractive 21-year-old blonde
lady with chest.

a.. Meath Devil-worshiper, navan area, seeks like-minded
lady for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks and stomping and spitting on GAA player from the restt of the country.

a.. Attractive brunette, Macroom area, winner of Miss
Wrangler competition, who's not afraid to cry, for long nights spent comfort
drinking and listening to old Abba records. Please, Please!

a.. Cork man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the Sunday on the 2nd weekend of September betwen 2.00 pm and 11.30 pm.

GAA better than soccer (2)

2005-12-06T09:08:00.000-08:00

1) The GAA player who played in front of 80,000 at
the weekend will be teaching your children, selling you meat or fixing
your drains on Monday morning. The soccer player who plays in front of
80,000 will be moaning about playing too many games and will be trying to
sell you his personalised brand of leisure wear

2) GAA nicknames are better. Soccer players just add a Y to their surnames

3) Dublin vs Meath is a real derby. What does Utd. Vs City mean to Ronaldo or Sibierski

4) How many soccer players does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer
eleven. One to stick it in and ten to surround and kiss him after he does it

5) Soccer players go to the papers after a game. GAA
players go to the pub

6) John Terry would run a mile if he came up against Francie Bellew

7) GAA teams are numbered 1-15. A soccer team reads like the lottery results

8) All soccer players wear shin pads. Some hurlers wear helmets

9) Television runs soccer. Schoolteachers run the GAA

10) The GAA is about where you're from. Soccer is about who you like

11) No segregation at GAA games

12) No soccer team has a nickname quite as lovely as the Fighting Cocks of Carlow

13) Bubble perms never made it to Croke Park

14) A scoreless draw in the GAA would be quite a novelty

15) Roman Abramovich can buy the League. You can't buy Sam!!

Bits and Bobs....

2005-09-29T04:25:00.000-07:00

GAA Uranus

GAA and Progressive Rock

Its a bit silly but I ahve no idea between GAA and Progressive Rock..

Click on the picture to see it in its original size

Get your Kit Off

Spar Supermarket Spain and erotic GAA

Is this subliminal advertising... Everytime I see it... on turns to "off" and I get a bit shaken. Is it a waning to GAA fans not to take off their shirts during a hot day on the Hill?

Click on the picture to see it in its original size

Feckin Animal - but which one?

2005-09-05T07:10:00.000-07:00

Taken from the front page of the Irish Times the Monday after the Cork V Kerry Championship Semi-Final

Ouch. Seamus Moynihan bites while Brendan Jer O' Sullivan Gouges

Female fans as 'prize heifers'

2005-09-04T06:47:00.000-07:00

I don't view female fans as 'prize heifers' says under-fire GAA chief

No koke this, but sounds like one. It taken from the Irish Independent of Thursday September 1st 2005.

GAA president Sean Kelly last night said he was surprised to have been accused of regarding female fans as 'prize heifers'.

He was responding for the first time to a furore caused by his assertion that well-dressed ladies should be paraded on the Croke Park pitch before big games.

His views, in programme notes for last Saturday's All-Ireland football quarter-final replay against Tyrone, sparked accusations that he viewed female fans as "prize heifers".

Ladies' Gaelic Football Association head Helen O'Rourke accused Mr Kelly of treating women like animals at a country fair.

Mr Kelly, chairman of the integration committee charged with bringing the women's and men's associations together said female GAA supporters were a "wonderful sight for sore eyes"."The thought struck me that we should have a 'Queen of Fashion' at big days in Croker," he said in his notes.

"Select the best dressed of the ladies, march them around the field after the band and then present the winner with her prize - a day at the races, or a day in the bog, two tickets for the All-Ireland, etc."

But the top female Gaelic organisation described his remarks as "condescending" and an "insult".

Mr Kelly wrote: "At the drawn game, I took a good look at the women. They are now coming to matches in their droves, more power to them. They go to great trouble to dress up for the day in their county colours - all matching from head to toe. Some of the women build around the official jersey in a most imaginative and, may I say, attractive way. Others design their own concoctions. Wonderful sights for sore eyes."

Helen O'Rourke responded that women were more interested in playing football in Croke Park than being paraded in a fashion contest.

"He sounds like he's talking about putting a county parade rosette on a prize heifer. It's antiquated and I thought those days were long over.

"It is obvious that women who play football and come to matches are there because they love and are interested in the game. We have 100,000 members and every one of those aspires to play at Croke Park, not to be paraded around at a fashion show.

"It's in very poor taste. I couldn't believe it. I was very disappointed when I read the programme and I think he must have been watching too much of the Rose of Tralee. It sounds like a country fair."

Speaking to the Irish Independent last night, Mr Kelly insisted his remarks were "a harmless bit of fun and should be taken in the context and spirit in which they were written".

He was surprised any offence could be taken and defended his record on promoting the affairs of women in the GAA.

"Nothing I said was derogatory towards ladies. In fact it was quite the opposite. I think it is wonderful to see so many ladies now attending GAA games in their county colours. I was merely complimenting that."

He added: "There is never a problem or a big deal made about best dressed ladies at race meetings. It's part and parcel of any festival. I was complimenting the standard of fashion at GAA games now and suggesting how it could be acknowledged in a light hearted way. I didn't think offence would be taken four days after the game."

Ms O'Rourke said she felt his comments set back equal opportunity moves to integrate men's and women's sporting organisations.

"Fashion is not the reason women come to Croke Park . . . We had to wait up to 10 days before the GAA agreed to our match last weekend and this article has undermined the interest women have in the sport.

"All we want to do is play football. I found it quite insulting because we have to struggle so hard for our sport."

She conceded: "He might have been joking, but there is too much of those kind of sentiments around that are seriously meant."

Colm Keys and Helen Bruce

----------------

This is not taken from an episode of Fr Ted it is a direct quote from Sean Kelly's programme notes..

The Top 10 GAA cock-ups

2005-09-02T04:07:00.000-07:00

The Top 10 GAA cock-ups

Kerry's "goal" against Tipp (1999 Munster football
c'ship) : After just eight minutes Kerry corner-forward Gerry Murphy kicked the ball wide but it came back into play off a stanchion and the Rathmore player finished the rebound to the net. Kerry won by 6 points and Tipp were not awarded a replay.

The "point" that never was (1995 Leinster football
tie) : Laois' Mick Turley kicked the ball over his head with 42 seconds remaining and the ball was deemed to have gone over the Carlow bar. But video evidence showed that it had gone wide. Laois won by a point. Laois later offered Carlow a replay and won in the re-fixture.

Six sent off (1999 Leinster tie) : With the introduction of new rules, ref Niall Barrett of Cork dished out 14 yellow cards and sent off six players, four from Carlow. Westmeath won by four points.

GPA "Player of the Year" (2001) : After
initially awarding and informing Padraig Joyce both verbally and in writing that he had won their award, on the night of the presentation he is playing for Connacht in the Railway Cup in Killarney and cannot attend. But at the ceremony it is announced that Declan Meehan won the award.

Jimmy Cooney's "lost minutes" (1998 All-Ireland
hurling semi-final) : With Clare hanging on to a three point lead against Offaly, Galway ref Jimmy Cooney blows for full-time with over two minutes of play remaining. By the time he realised his mistake, stewards were leading him from the field. Hundreds of Offaly fans sat in protest on the field. The Kerry U-21 hurlers were due to play Kildare after but couldn't proceed. The Senior game went to a replay, which Offaly won.

Cork minor's two yellows (2000 minor semi) : Midfielder
Kieran Murphy received two yellow cards from Roscommon ref Gerry Kinneavy but wasn't ordered off. Cork held on by a point and Derry's appeal for a rematch was turned down.

Alcohol Sponsorship : In pre-Guinness hurling championship times the Central Council voted against accepting financial backing from the drinks Industry at a behind closed doors meeting. It subsequently emerged that the vote was tied and it was former and the then GAA President Peter Quinn which decided the issue.

Wrong team won (Connacht minor final 1989) : In the dying seconds of the game, Roscommon who are trailing Galway by a point, are awarder a penalty. Shane Curran sprints forward and drives the kick to the net. The whistle blows and Roscommon assume they have won and are presented with the cup. But it subsequently emerges that the ref disallowed the goal from the penalty and Galway are declared the official winners. Galway agree to a replay but lose.

Get off Charlie Redmond (1995 All-Ireland final) : Ref Paddy Russel sent Charlie off in the game against Tyrone, but Charlie stayed on the field. It was only a few minutes later when the ref sees Charlie that he leaves the field. Dublin win by a point but Tyrone do not appeal.

No show for extra-time (1987 NFL QF) : Dublin and Cork finish level at the end of normal time. Cork retire to their dressing room and fail to re-appear for the E T. The match was restarted with Dublin facing no opposition. While the Cork players are on their bus, Barney Rock scores the easiest game of his career to put Dublin through. Cork's protests are turned down and Dublin go on to win the League.

Taken from Its a Funny Old Game