Mayo County Jokes

Dublin Fans (and one Mayo Fan), Hill 16 Croke Park

Would make a great caption competition!!!(double click picture to increase size)

If anyone has any pictures or jokes, send them onto michael (at) gaa.irish-guy.com or leave a comment at the bottom of the page







Click on the picture to see it in its original size

Two Mayo Men
Two Mayo men are walking along Shop Street in
Galway when they see a sign which reads as follows:

Suits 15.00 euro each, shirts 2.00 euro each, trousers
2.50 euro per pair

Willie Joe says to TJ, "Look at that. We could buy a
load of that gear and when we get back to Castlebar,
we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the
shop, don't say anything. Just let me do all the talking
'cause if they hear our accent they might not serve us,
so i'll speak in my best Galway accent."

They go in and Willie Joe orders 50 suits at 15.00 each,
100 shirts at 2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at 2.50
each.

The owner of the shop says, "You're from Mayo, aren't
you?"

"Oh, . . yes, how the f*ck did you know that?" asks Willie
Joe

The owner says, "Because this is a f**king dry-cleaners . !"
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Mid West Radio

MIKE FINNERTY

Most likely to say: "The modh Direach."

Least likely to say: "Any yet another All-Ireland title for Mayo footballers."
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John O'Mahony has given up football. He's just become Mayo manager. -Sarcastic Galway fan.

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Newsflash from Mayo Co. Board 1999
In a media release by the Mayo County Board which has both shocked and pleasantly surprised the Catholic Church, PJ McGrath, the Mayo County Chairman has confirmed that the county board are to send the Mayo ladies football team and the minors on holiday to Lanzarote next December. "We feel that both teams, after a tireless winters training and a successful summer of football, deserve the holiday regardless of the results of their respective finals." Fair enough said all at the press conference, but McGrath continued however: "In the light of the our continual annual disappointing trips to Croke Park, we have decided to try a Hitler type regime of breeding a superior race, in this case a superior footballer, a form of artificial natural selection if you like. Both teams will be sharing the same hotel and on each night we will be providing a free bar with the hope that they share more than just the hotel. In our efforts to accelerate the process of creating the perfect footballer, we will be taking it on ourselves to remove all condom machines from the toilets of the hotel. Durex have threatened to bring us to court over this but we will pay whatever the fine as we have bagfuls of money now that Maughan is no longer in charge of the mens team. While we are confident our experiment will succeed, we all have to be patient. We expect that as a result of this holiday, we will be winning senior All-Irelands by the year 2020. Potential investors in Mayo PLC note this. However, with the luck we've had on the football field recently, we will probably start an era of winning 10 womens All-irelands in a row from 2020. However, we live in hope." With that, McGrath was shot dead by a member of womens lib.

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Mayo have their good points

Now after the feck up in 2004 with Kerry and all their previous big match shakes.. its worth noting the good things that Mayo have done for Ireland. The best is given the Meath lads a good kickin in 1998. The Country was proud of ye lads. Ye did us all a service and something we have all dreamt of.


Click on the picture to see it in its original size

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Muhammad Ali Plays Hurling

Taken on All Ireland Day 2004

Where else could this lad have been born and raised.... although with the amount of freckles he had it could redioation poisoning in Belarus. He doesnt look too disappointed ... maybe he doesn't choke on the big days.


Click on the picture to see it in its original size

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Examination to become a Mayoman

Honours

PART I (Written)
Instructions to Candidates

(a) Do not attempt more than one question at a time.
(b) Do not attempt to write on both sides of the paper at the same time.
(c) On no account attempt question 3.
(d) Slide rules O.K.

N.B. Candidates caught cheating will be given extra marks for initiative.
All Candidates are requested to use separate answer books.


Time allowed: Six weeks

1. Who won the Second world war? Who came second?

2. Explain in one sentence Einstein's theory of relativity

OR

Write your name in block capitals.

3. What is the number of this question?

4. Name the odd man out: The chief Rabbi, The Pope, Jack the Ripper, The Archbishop of Canterbury.

5. At the Irish Sheepdog trials of 1972, how many sheepdogs were found guilty?

6. At what time is the nine o'clock news broadcast?

7. Spell each of the following words: DOG, CAT, PIG.

8. Write a tongue twister three times, quickly.

9. There have been six Kings of England called George. The latest was George the sixth - name the other five.

10. Quote four lines from any poem written in the English language or from any other poem written in the English language.

11. How many hairs were in Willy Joe Paddens moustache?

12. Explain the meaning of stupid ,in less than 10 words,without making reference to Galway once.

13. Write an essay on one of the following titles:- (a) Mayo is so great (b) I hate galwegians (c) Why I fear Croke Park (d) Sheep shagging, fact or fiction? (e) Do Mayo play Gaelic football or basketball?, Discus.

13. If three All Ireland final apperances = zero, why does Mayo footbal think it's so great?



PART II (Practical)
Leave the examination hall and persuade the first passer - by you meet to accompany you through life, using irony where necessary.


N.B. This is the Honours paper -- there is a special Pass version for Leitrim people...


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Kieron McDonald calls up John Maughan and says, "Please come over here and
help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how
to get it started." Maughan asks, "What is it supposed to be
when it's finished?" McDonald says, "According to the picture on
the box, it's a tiger."

Maughan decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
He lets him in and shows him where he has the puzzle spread all
over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the
box, then turns to him and says: - "First of all, no matter
what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces
into anything resembling a tiger." He holds McDonald by the shoulders and says,


Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and
then....." he sighed, "let's put all these Frosties back in the box

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Mayo Prayer 2004
"Our Kieran who art in the hairdressers, hallowed be thy socks. Thy Mayo come, thou match be won, in Croker as it is in McHale. Give us this day our share of tickets and forgive us your doubters as we forget those who doubt against us. And lead us not into alcholism, but deliver us Sam this year. Amen".

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In the early nineties John Maughan had an interesting way of training
the Mayo football team. He made them push cars up hills and all manner of
quare goin's on.

One drill they did in training involved running around in a circle
doing a hand passing drill...without the ball!

One day Anthony Finnerty walks off towards the dressing room when this
drill begins.
'Pleb' Maughan: "Where are ya off ta Finnerty?"
'Dandy' Finnerty: "I'm off to get me gloves...the ball's wet."