Great Irish Quotes
Bosco is a Bollox! Bosco is a Bollox!'
What Zig and Zag were caught shouting (with Ian Dempsey laughing in
background) when the cameras returned prematurely from a commercial break
during 'Dempsey's Den'. Zag was tossing the Bosco puppet around.
'When I said they'd scored two goals, of course I meant they'd scored one.'RTE Commentator George Hamilton
'That mail used to be handled by hand, now it's handled manually.'Chief Executive of An Post, John Hines.
'The referendum went as most people hoped it would'Irish Times editorial displaying acute understanding of the Democratic
Process.
'Clap your feet!'Bernie of the Nolan Sisters.
'He's pulling him off. The Spanish manager is pulling his Captain off!'George Hamilton as Butreguanio comes off against Ireland.
'The idea is well and good in theory, but tell me this, who is going to
feed them?'
Wicklow Councillor objects to a proposal to boost tourism by putting
gondolas on Blessington Lake.
'We are not prepared to stand idly by and be murdered in our beds'. Rev. Ian Paisley.
'If you're a fifty pence piece in a pile of ten pence pieces,you have to
shine so much brighter in order to be noticed.'
Bono.
'What we are doing is in the interest of everybody, bar possibly the
consumer.'
Aer Lingus spokesman.
'Deep down I'm a very shallow person.'Charles Haughey.
'I can hold a note and I know I'm not ugly so, in ways, that's enough.'Keith Duffy of Boyzone.
Larry Gogan: 'With what town in Britain is Shakespeare associated?'
Contestant: 'Hamlet'.
Larry Gogan: 'Name the BBC's Grand Prix commentator? .... I'll give you a
hint. It's something you suck....'
Contestant: 'Oh, Dickie Davies'
Larry Gogan: 'What was Jeeve's occupation?Contestant: 'He was a carpenter'.
Larry Gogan: (after a caller got none of 18 questions right on the Just a
Minute Quiz) - 'Ah, sure the questions didn't really suit you did they?'
Caller: 'Ah go **** off Larry you're only an old bollox'.
Gerry Ryan: (during a discussion on whether people would like to be buried
or cremated when they die) - 'Would you like to be
buried or cremated?'
Caller: 'Oh, buried Gerry'.
Gerry Ryan: 'And where would you like to be buried?'
Caller: 'Up to me balls in Bibi Baskin!'
'Stephen Roche, the only British or Irish cyclist to win the Tour de France'.ITV commentator.
'I'm always suspicious of games where you're the only ones that play it'.Jack Charlton on hurling.
'Outside HIV in Grafton Street'Gay Byrne plugging Hot House Flowers appearance.
VIOLENCE DELAYS PEACE - LENIHAN Irish Times
MRS REAGAN BETTER AFTER FALL Irish Times
DOG SHOOTS MAN Evening Press
TEENAGE MUTANT BINGE AT THURLES Feile '92
RAPIST: I THOUGHT SHE WAS MY WIFE Star
MAN KEPT ARMS UNDER BED AFTER RELATIVE'S DEATH
Irish Times
DEAD MAN INJURED IN CRASH Irish Times.
'Mrs Windsor can come and go as she wants'.Gerry Adams on a visit by the Queen to Northern Ireland.
'I think the Irish woman was freed from slavery by bingo....
They can go out now, dressed up, with their
handbags and have a drink and play bingo. And
they deserve it'
John B. Keane.
Jim Mitchell TD: You're always mixing me up with someone else.
Ceann Comhairle, Joe Brennan: Yes, I'm always confusing you with that fella
Mitchell.
'Get married again'.Charles Haughey to women asking for an increase in the Widows Pension.
After the cops raided a massage parlor in Rathmines,this is the arresting
Garda's testimony:
"When we entered the premises the defendant was naked and in an aroused
state. When asked the reason for his presence at the establishment, he said
he was being treated for a GAA injury."
Larry Gogan: 'Complete the saying As happy as ?'
Contestant:'um'
Larry Gogan: 'Think of me'
Contestant: 'A pig in ****'
"The referendum went as most people hoped it would."
Irish Times editorial displaying acute understanding of the Democratic
Process.
"That mail used to be handled by hand, now it's handled manually."
Chief Executive of An Post, John Hines.
"Clap your feet!"
Bernie of the Nolan Sisters.
"British Army bomb disposal squads who attempt to defuse car bombs early and
before areas are properly evacuated will be responsible for endangering
civilian lives."
IRA statement 1988.
The idea is well and good in theory, but tell me this, who is going to feed
them?"
Wicklow Councillor objects to a proposal to boost tourism by putting
gondolas on Blessington Lake.
"We are not prepared to stand idly by and be murdered in our beds."
Rev. Ian Paisley.
"What we are doing is in the interest of everybody, bar possibly the
consumer."
Aer Lingus spokesman.
"Deep down I'm a very shallow person."
Charles Haughey.
"Outside HIV in Grafton Street."
Gay Byrne plugging Hot House Flowers appearance.
THOSE DISGRACEFUL MADONNA PICTURES - FOUR PAGE SPECIAL INSIDE
The Sun
VIOLENCE DELAYS PEACE - LENIHAN
Irish Times
CONCERNED RAPIST WORE A CONDOM
Evening Herald
MRS REAGAN BETTER AFTER FALL
Irish Times
SHARING THE BURDEN OF SCHIZOPHRENIA
Irish Times
DOG SHOOTS MAN
Evening Press
TEENAGE MUTANT BINGE AT THURLES
Feile '92
RAPIST: I THOUGHT SHE WAS MY WIFE
Star
MAN KEPT ARMS UNDER BED AFTER RELATIVE'S DEATH
Irish Times
DEAD MAN INJURED IN CRASH
Irish Times.
"A top level Garda internal inquiry is being held in Connemara into an
allegation that a local garda shot a cow.... There has been no statement
from the cow."
Irish press.
"Mrs. Windsor can come and go as she wants."
Gerry Adams on a visit by the Queen to Northern Ireland.
"I think the Irish woman was freed from slavery by bingo ....They can go out
now, dressed up, with their handbags and have a drink and play bingo. And
they deserve it."
John B. Keane.
Interviewer: Is it not dangerous to sell people knives called Rambo Knives?
Shopkeeper: I wouldn't say so, a lot of them can't spell.
"I was called out to a non-existent phone call. When I returned I lifted my
glass, smelled and said 'My God, this is foul, it smells like piss'. A voice
from the back called out, 'We know, but whose?'."
Wine connoisseur T.P. Whelehan at a tasting in Trinity College.
Jim Mitchell TD: You're always mixing me up with someone else. Ceann
Comhairle,
Joe Brennan: Yes, I'm always confusing you with that fellow Mitchell.
"Ludicrous. Ridiculous."
1989 edition of Collins Concise Dictionary defines the word 'Irish'.
"Get married again."
Charles Haughey to women asking for an increase in the widows' pension.
Irish Indo after the Gardai raided a massage parlor (knocking shop) in
Rathmines. This is the arresting Garda's testimony: "When we entered the
premises the defendant was naked and in an aroused state. When asked the
reason for his presence at the establishment, he said he was being treated
for a GAA injury."
Job Application Form: Do you support the overthrow of the Government by
force, subversion or violence?
Applicant: Violence.
"If you're a fifty pence piece in a pile of ten pence pieces, you have to
shine so much brighter in order to be noticed."
Bono.
"I can hold a note and I know I'm not ugly so, in ways, that's enough."
Keith Duffy of Boyzone.
"Bosco is a Bollox! Bosco is a Bollox!"
What Zig and Zag were caught shouting (with Ian Dempsey laughing in the
background) when the cameras returned prematurely from a commercial break
during 'Dempsey's Den'. Zag was tossing the Bosco puppet around.
Ian Dempsey: "What would you give Andrew and Sarah as a wedding present?"
Caller: "I'd love to give Fergie AIDS and put a bomb up Andy's hole'"
"Stephen Roche, the only British or Irish cyclist to win the Tour De
France."
ITV commentator.
Larry Gogan: "With what town in Britain is Shakespeare associated?"
Contestant: "Hamlet."
Larry Gogan: "Name the BBC's Grand Prix commentator? .... I'll give you a
hint. It's something you suck...."
Contestant: "Oh, Dickie Davies." (Murray Walker is the correct answer).
Larry Gogan: "What was Jeeve's occupation?"
Contestant: "He was a carpenter."
Larry Gogan: "Complete this well known phrase. 'As happy as.....' hint think
of me."
Contestant: "A pig in shit."
Larry Gogan: (after a caller got none of 18 questions right on the Just a
Minute quiz) - "Ah sure the questions didn't really suit you did they?"
Caller: "Ah go fuck off Larry you're only an old bollox."
Gerry Ryan: (during a discussion on whether people would like to be buried
or cremated when they die) - "Would you like to be buried or cremated?"
Caller: "Oh, buried Gerry."
Gerry Ryan: "And where would you like to be buried?"
Caller: "Up to me balls in Bibi Baskin!"
Larry Gogan: "What do you call a female cow?" ....
Larry Gogan: "And who would you like to play the request for?"
Caller: "Meself"
Larry Gogan: "Any particular reason?"
Caller: "I got me first job yesterday"
Larry Cogan: "Oh, that's nice, what was the job?"
Caller: "A blowjob!"
What Zig and Zag were caught shouting (with Ian Dempsey laughing in
background) when the cameras returned prematurely from a commercial break
during 'Dempsey's Den'. Zag was tossing the Bosco puppet around.
'When I said they'd scored two goals, of course I meant they'd scored one.'RTE Commentator George Hamilton
'That mail used to be handled by hand, now it's handled manually.'Chief Executive of An Post, John Hines.
'The referendum went as most people hoped it would'Irish Times editorial displaying acute understanding of the Democratic
Process.
'Clap your feet!'Bernie of the Nolan Sisters.
'He's pulling him off. The Spanish manager is pulling his Captain off!'George Hamilton as Butreguanio comes off against Ireland.
'The idea is well and good in theory, but tell me this, who is going to
feed them?'
Wicklow Councillor objects to a proposal to boost tourism by putting
gondolas on Blessington Lake.
'We are not prepared to stand idly by and be murdered in our beds'. Rev. Ian Paisley.
'If you're a fifty pence piece in a pile of ten pence pieces,you have to
shine so much brighter in order to be noticed.'
Bono.
'What we are doing is in the interest of everybody, bar possibly the
consumer.'
Aer Lingus spokesman.
'Deep down I'm a very shallow person.'Charles Haughey.
'I can hold a note and I know I'm not ugly so, in ways, that's enough.'Keith Duffy of Boyzone.
Larry Gogan: 'With what town in Britain is Shakespeare associated?'
Contestant: 'Hamlet'.
Larry Gogan: 'Name the BBC's Grand Prix commentator? .... I'll give you a
hint. It's something you suck....'
Contestant: 'Oh, Dickie Davies'
Larry Gogan: 'What was Jeeve's occupation?Contestant: 'He was a carpenter'.
Larry Gogan: (after a caller got none of 18 questions right on the Just a
Minute Quiz) - 'Ah, sure the questions didn't really suit you did they?'
Caller: 'Ah go **** off Larry you're only an old bollox'.
Gerry Ryan: (during a discussion on whether people would like to be buried
or cremated when they die) - 'Would you like to be
buried or cremated?'
Caller: 'Oh, buried Gerry'.
Gerry Ryan: 'And where would you like to be buried?'
Caller: 'Up to me balls in Bibi Baskin!'
'Stephen Roche, the only British or Irish cyclist to win the Tour de France'.ITV commentator.
'I'm always suspicious of games where you're the only ones that play it'.Jack Charlton on hurling.
'Outside HIV in Grafton Street'Gay Byrne plugging Hot House Flowers appearance.
VIOLENCE DELAYS PEACE - LENIHAN Irish Times
MRS REAGAN BETTER AFTER FALL Irish Times
DOG SHOOTS MAN Evening Press
TEENAGE MUTANT BINGE AT THURLES Feile '92
RAPIST: I THOUGHT SHE WAS MY WIFE Star
MAN KEPT ARMS UNDER BED AFTER RELATIVE'S DEATH
Irish Times
DEAD MAN INJURED IN CRASH Irish Times.
'Mrs Windsor can come and go as she wants'.Gerry Adams on a visit by the Queen to Northern Ireland.
'I think the Irish woman was freed from slavery by bingo....
They can go out now, dressed up, with their
handbags and have a drink and play bingo. And
they deserve it'
John B. Keane.
Jim Mitchell TD: You're always mixing me up with someone else.
Ceann Comhairle, Joe Brennan: Yes, I'm always confusing you with that fella
Mitchell.
'Get married again'.Charles Haughey to women asking for an increase in the Widows Pension.
After the cops raided a massage parlor in Rathmines,this is the arresting
Garda's testimony:
"When we entered the premises the defendant was naked and in an aroused
state. When asked the reason for his presence at the establishment, he said
he was being treated for a GAA injury."
Larry Gogan: 'Complete the saying As happy as ?'
Contestant:'um'
Larry Gogan: 'Think of me'
Contestant: 'A pig in ****'
"The referendum went as most people hoped it would."
Irish Times editorial displaying acute understanding of the Democratic
Process.
"That mail used to be handled by hand, now it's handled manually."
Chief Executive of An Post, John Hines.
"Clap your feet!"
Bernie of the Nolan Sisters.
"British Army bomb disposal squads who attempt to defuse car bombs early and
before areas are properly evacuated will be responsible for endangering
civilian lives."
IRA statement 1988.
The idea is well and good in theory, but tell me this, who is going to feed
them?"
Wicklow Councillor objects to a proposal to boost tourism by putting
gondolas on Blessington Lake.
"We are not prepared to stand idly by and be murdered in our beds."
Rev. Ian Paisley.
"What we are doing is in the interest of everybody, bar possibly the
consumer."
Aer Lingus spokesman.
"Deep down I'm a very shallow person."
Charles Haughey.
"Outside HIV in Grafton Street."
Gay Byrne plugging Hot House Flowers appearance.
THOSE DISGRACEFUL MADONNA PICTURES - FOUR PAGE SPECIAL INSIDE
The Sun
VIOLENCE DELAYS PEACE - LENIHAN
Irish Times
CONCERNED RAPIST WORE A CONDOM
Evening Herald
MRS REAGAN BETTER AFTER FALL
Irish Times
SHARING THE BURDEN OF SCHIZOPHRENIA
Irish Times
DOG SHOOTS MAN
Evening Press
TEENAGE MUTANT BINGE AT THURLES
Feile '92
RAPIST: I THOUGHT SHE WAS MY WIFE
Star
MAN KEPT ARMS UNDER BED AFTER RELATIVE'S DEATH
Irish Times
DEAD MAN INJURED IN CRASH
Irish Times.
"A top level Garda internal inquiry is being held in Connemara into an
allegation that a local garda shot a cow.... There has been no statement
from the cow."
Irish press.
"Mrs. Windsor can come and go as she wants."
Gerry Adams on a visit by the Queen to Northern Ireland.
"I think the Irish woman was freed from slavery by bingo ....They can go out
now, dressed up, with their handbags and have a drink and play bingo. And
they deserve it."
John B. Keane.
Interviewer: Is it not dangerous to sell people knives called Rambo Knives?
Shopkeeper: I wouldn't say so, a lot of them can't spell.
"I was called out to a non-existent phone call. When I returned I lifted my
glass, smelled and said 'My God, this is foul, it smells like piss'. A voice
from the back called out, 'We know, but whose?'."
Wine connoisseur T.P. Whelehan at a tasting in Trinity College.
Jim Mitchell TD: You're always mixing me up with someone else. Ceann
Comhairle,
Joe Brennan: Yes, I'm always confusing you with that fellow Mitchell.
"Ludicrous. Ridiculous."
1989 edition of Collins Concise Dictionary defines the word 'Irish'.
"Get married again."
Charles Haughey to women asking for an increase in the widows' pension.
Irish Indo after the Gardai raided a massage parlor (knocking shop) in
Rathmines. This is the arresting Garda's testimony: "When we entered the
premises the defendant was naked and in an aroused state. When asked the
reason for his presence at the establishment, he said he was being treated
for a GAA injury."
Job Application Form: Do you support the overthrow of the Government by
force, subversion or violence?
Applicant: Violence.
"If you're a fifty pence piece in a pile of ten pence pieces, you have to
shine so much brighter in order to be noticed."
Bono.
"I can hold a note and I know I'm not ugly so, in ways, that's enough."
Keith Duffy of Boyzone.
"Bosco is a Bollox! Bosco is a Bollox!"
What Zig and Zag were caught shouting (with Ian Dempsey laughing in the
background) when the cameras returned prematurely from a commercial break
during 'Dempsey's Den'. Zag was tossing the Bosco puppet around.
Ian Dempsey: "What would you give Andrew and Sarah as a wedding present?"
Caller: "I'd love to give Fergie AIDS and put a bomb up Andy's hole'"
"Stephen Roche, the only British or Irish cyclist to win the Tour De
France."
ITV commentator.
Larry Gogan: "With what town in Britain is Shakespeare associated?"
Contestant: "Hamlet."
Larry Gogan: "Name the BBC's Grand Prix commentator? .... I'll give you a
hint. It's something you suck...."
Contestant: "Oh, Dickie Davies." (Murray Walker is the correct answer).
Larry Gogan: "What was Jeeve's occupation?"
Contestant: "He was a carpenter."
Larry Gogan: "Complete this well known phrase. 'As happy as.....' hint think
of me."
Contestant: "A pig in shit."
Larry Gogan: (after a caller got none of 18 questions right on the Just a
Minute quiz) - "Ah sure the questions didn't really suit you did they?"
Caller: "Ah go fuck off Larry you're only an old bollox."
Gerry Ryan: (during a discussion on whether people would like to be buried
or cremated when they die) - "Would you like to be buried or cremated?"
Caller: "Oh, buried Gerry."
Gerry Ryan: "And where would you like to be buried?"
Caller: "Up to me balls in Bibi Baskin!"
Larry Gogan: "What do you call a female cow?" ....
Larry Gogan: "And who would you like to play the request for?"
Caller: "Meself"
Larry Gogan: "Any particular reason?"
Caller: "I got me first job yesterday"
Larry Cogan: "Oh, that's nice, what was the job?"
Caller: "A blowjob!"
Labels: Championship, Cumann Luthcleas Gael, GAA, Gaelic Athletic Association, Hurling, Jokes, Michael Cusack, Micheál Ó Muircheartaigh, The Sunday Game, Up for the Match
posted by Michael at 1:34 PM
