Antrim County Jokes

The Ian Paisley Nightmare
The Rev Ian Paisley was electioneering around his hometown of Ballymena when he was struck on the head by an ONeills ball from the nearby All Saints Gaelic Football Club. Big Ian was knocked out cold and was rushed to the nearest hospital. He slipped into a coma and was rushed to the Royal Victoria Hospital in Belfast.
There he lay for five years when he suddenly awoke in a frenzied state. He asked the patient beside him: Whawhats been happening in Royal Ulster, while Ive been asleep?
Well, says yer man in the next bed, its been non-stop here Liam Neeson is the Independent Nationalist MP for Baile Menaigh and North Antrim. Your son, Ian Junior got married there three years ago, to a lovely girl from Toome. And theyve given you another grandson, Id say Ian Og must be nearly four years old now. Big Ian was devastated and fell back into his coma.
A further five years passed before he awoke again. He turned to the boy next to him in the ward.
Is that effer McGuinness still the Minister of Education for Northern Ireland?
For where? the man replied. Oh, Ian. Ive some bad news for you. Three years ago the Queen apologised for all the trouble she and her predecessors had caused, and got the hell out while you were asleep. We have a United Ireland with the Dail based in Crossmaglen and its working out quite well. McGuinness had to step down though, hes running the new Ulster GAA museum.
Ha, said Big Ian, happy that something was going his way. Good enough for him. Where is the museum?
Theyre using Stormont, no point in it going to waste, he replied, which so upset Big Ian, he collapsed once more.
Five years later, Ian woke again. He looked sheepishly to his right, and said to the boy beside him. Whats the latest news on Nortwhats happening here?
Ah Ian, said the young boy, its gone to hell altogether. Rangers beat Celtic last night. The tide was turning Big Ian thought to himself.
Happy days! What was the score?
Ach, 2-21 to 1-17.